Dog quotations

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.“

Who­ever said you can’t buy hap­pi­ness for­got about pup­pies.“
—Gene Hill

In dog years, I’m dead.“

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark viol­ently at noth­ing right in your ear.“
—Dave Barry

Out­side of a dog, a book is prob­ably man’s best friend; inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.“
—Groucho Marx

To his dog, every man is Napo­leon; hence the con­stant pop­ular­ity of dogs.“
—Aldous Huxley

A dog teaches a boy fidel­ity, per­sever­ance, and to turn around three times before lying down.“
—Robert Benchley

Did you ever walk into a room and for­get why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.“
—Sue Murphy

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cow­ards who haven’t got the guts to bite people them­selves.“
—August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the din­ing room fur­niture unless abso­lutely cer­tain that he can hold his own in the con­ver­sa­tion.“
—Fran Lebowitz

Ever con­sider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a gro­cery store with the most amaz­ing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!“
—Anne Tyler

I won­der if other dogs think poodles are mem­bers of a weird reli­gious cult.“
—Rita Rudner

My dog is wor­ried about the eco­nomy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.“
—Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immor­tal­ity, it is that cer­tain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few per­sons.“
—James Thurber

You enter into a cer­tain amount of mad­ness when you marry a per­son with pets.“
—Nora Ephron

Don’t accept your dog’s admir­a­tion as con­clus­ive evid­ence that you are won­der­ful.“
—Ann Landers

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.“
—Robert A. Heinlein

In order to keep a true per­spect­ive of one’s import­ance, every­one should have a dog that will wor­ship him and a cat that will ignore him.“
—Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

Of all the things I miss from veter­in­ary prac­tice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memor­ies!“
—Dr. Tom Cat

There is no psy­chi­at­rist in the world like a puppy lick­ing your face.“
—Ben Williams

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a prob­lem.“
—Edward Abbey

Cat’s motto: No mat­ter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.“

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.“

No one appre­ci­ates the very spe­cial genius of your con­ver­sa­tion as the dog does.“
—Chris­topher Morley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves him­self.“
—Josh Billings

Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.&quo
t;—Holbrook Jackson

The aver­age dog is a nicer per­son than the aver­age per­son.“
—Andrew A. Rooney

He is your friend, your part­ner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faith­ful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devo­tion.“

If you pick up a starving dog and make him pros­per­ous, he will not bite you; that is the prin­cipal dif­fer­ence between a dog and a man.“
—Mark Twain

Things that upset a ter­rier may pass vir­tu­ally unnoticed by a Great Dane.“
—Smi­ley Blanton

I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly van­ish­ing look of amazed con­tempt, and I am con­vinced that basic­ally dogs think humans are nuts.“
—John Steinbeck

If there’s one thing I have learned in life, it’s this: Dogs and Pork rinds are not a good com­bin­a­tion.“
—Ted Cashion

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